Unmasking the Silent Struggle: Alexithymia in Teenage Girls with ADHD

Even now, ADHD is often associated with boys, characterised by hyperactivity and impulsivity. However, ADHD in girls tends to show up differently, often with symptoms like inattention, difficulty managing emotions, and a lack of organisation skills.

This can make ADHD in girls harder to recognise. 

Imagine your emotions are colours. 

For most people, it's like having lots of tins of paint of different colours .They can easily identify the different shades, mix them together, paint different parts of walls in contrasting colours.

For someone with alexithymia, it's like looking at the world through a black and white filter. 

They can see the outlines and shapes of emotions, but the colours are missing. It's difficult to identify shades of sadness, anger,or joy. They might know something is off, but can’t putting a name to the feeling. 

This makes it hard for girls to communicate how they feel, and it can also make it difficult to understand what others are experiencing. This is why, often, they can be labelled as “lacking empathy”, “don’t care about anyone but themselves”.

Understanding alexithymia helps us understand girls and their experiences. Being able to spot the signs and symptoms of alexithymia, parents can offer the support and guidance their child needs.

In this blog post, we will:

• explore the connection between ADHD and alexithymia in teenage girls
• consider the challenges girls encounter
• offer practical strategies for parents to support their daughters' emotional well-being.

Understanding Alexithymia 

In teenage girls with ADHD, alexithymia can be particularly difficult. They are already experiencing the emotional ups and down of adolescence, this can then can be even more of a challenge when we factor in the difficulty of processing and expressing feelings. This can lead to frustration, confusion, and sometings isolation.

Alexithymia isn't a choice.

It's a neurological difference that can be managed with understanding and support.

Girls, Alexithymia and ADHD

Teenage years are a time of significant emotional growth and development. However, for girls with ADHD and alexithymia, these years can be particularly challenging. The combination of these conditions can lead to a unique set of obstacles.

Understanding the signs of Alexithymia

Recognising the signs of alexithymia in your teenage daughter may not be easy, especially with her ADHD symptoms. However, being aware of possible indicators can help you provide support.

Common signs of alexithymia:

• Difficulty labelling emotions: May not be able to dentify how she's feeling, often saying things like "fine" or "I'm okay."
• Limited emotional vocabulary: She might have trouble expressing her feelings in detail, using simple words or phrases.
• Physical complaints: Sometimes, emotional discomfort might show up as physical symptoms like headaches,stomach aches, or tiredness.
• Social withdrawal: Difficulty understanding and responding to social cues might mean she stays away from others.
• Challenges with empathy: Your daughter may struggle to understand or share the feelings of others. She may come across as cold or unfeeling.
• Focuses on the practical: She might prefer to focus on facts and details rather than emotions.

It's important to remember that these signs can overlap with ADHD symptoms, making it difficult to pinpoint alexithymia.

If you're concerned about your daughter's emotional well-being, it's essential to consult with a healthcare professional for a proper evaluation.

Strategies for parents

Supporting a teenage girl with ADHD and alexithymia requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn. Here are some strategies to help you navigate these challenges:

Open Communication

• Create a safe space: Establish an open and non-judgemental space where your daughter feels comfortable sharing her thoughts and feelings.
• Active listening: Pay attention to her words and body language, and validate her emotions. Put away your phone or device. 
• Use "I" statements: Express your feelings and concerns without blaming or accusing.
• Model emotional expression: Demonstrate how to identify and express emotions in a healthy way.

Self care for parents and caregivers 

Caring for a teenage daughter with ADHD and alexithymia can be demanding and emotionally draining. It's so important to prioritise your own well-being to be able to effectively support your daughter. It isn't selfish. You can't 'pour from an empty cup'.

Prioritise Your Well-being

• Factor in time for you to do what you need to to take a break or 'reset'
• Establish healthy boundaries between your role as a parent and your personal needs.
• Connect with other parents facing similar challenges.

Connect with Others

• Join support groups for parents of children with ADHD or alexithymia.
• Lean on your support system (family and friends)  for emotional support and practical help.
• Connect with other parents through online forums and support groups.

Practice Self-Care

• Engage in activities you enjoy to relax and de-stress.
• Regular physical activity can boost your mood and energy levels.
• Prioritise getting enough sleep to support your overall well-being.

Remember, you're not alone. Many parents face similar experiences, and there are resources available to help you on this journey. Seek support from other parents and online communities.

It's important to celebrate small victories and be patient with yourself and your daughter. Progress may be gradual, but with consistent effort and love, you can make a significant difference in her life.